Picture from my brother's wedding in AprilNovember 30th is a day that I anticipate all year. Anticipation of anger, guilt, confussion, and sadness. 25 yeras ago, my father dropped my sister and I off at school. He kissed us goodbye for the day and left. I never saw him again. He went to work and had a massive heart attack, he died. I knew something was wrong when a teacher came and got Robin and I and took us to the house. I entered our house, it was filled it lots of faces that I knew. It is funny, I still see the bodies in the house, but I can't make out the faces. My mom was sitting on the couch crying. She was trying to explain to us that my father had died and was in heaven. How does a 5 year old take that! Now I am thinking, how does a young mom explain to her 3 children that they had lost their healthy father. The next couple of days were a whirlwind. Lots of people in and out of the house, normal as we knew it was no more.
Where am I 25 years later, older and still filled with anger, guilt, confussion, and sadness. I always thought losing someone would get easier. It doesn't. What have I learned from this. To love my husband and children like this is my last day. I have also learned that talking about my father makes it easier to cope. When we were little, we didn't want to talk about it, too much pain. Now, I am fighting through that to remember and enjoy the memories of my father. Two weeks ago we had a memorial dinner with our family for my father. I was very nervous about it. We had such a wonderful evening of family time. We heard several stories, but mainly we just spent time together. But the most important thing, life does go on and we need it too. God has the master plan for us, and this earth is just a passing stone to eternal life, when we all shall meet again. The song "I Can Only Imagine" brings tears to my eyes, because I know that I will be dancing; because I will finally be among my earthly and heavenly father once again.
9 comments:
I am so sorry, Angie. Thank you for sharing your precious heart. I know your dad's life and legacy will live on for generations to come.
Angie, I didn't know you lost your father so young. How difficult the holidays must be! Thanks for sharing in your blog; it is wonderful to remember how we will all be together in heaven.
Thank you for your testament of faith and your determination to keep going on and enjoying life. I know your dad smiles down on the wonderful woman you have become.
That was a great blog entry. You are very blessed to have a wonderful close family. Your Dad would be very proud.
What a touching and heartbreaking memory. I am so sorry. I am also so thankful that you have the peace of a heavenly father and father who will be there waiting for you. You are a blessing.
So sorry for the loss of your father. I loved the thought of you dancing with your Dad and God when you get to heaven. God bless you and comfort you today and the days to come.
Ang.
I love you!
I have never heard anyone articulate thier feelings about a loss of someone so close to them in such an open, positive manner. You are such a wonderful person and I know that your father looks down from heaven on you and your family eacd day and is very proud of you!
LOVE YOU!
Angie,
I was one of those bodies there the day that your dad died. I remember how hard it was for me and I remember the days after when Robert Lee and I would go to see all of you. What wonderful memories I have of the 3 of you going to our home and what fun I had letting you have REAL milk, candy and cookies, all of the things that your mom would not let you have. As you may remem I lost my dad when I was 10, so I had been there,also. I have always felt that you, Robin and Knox were part mine. We love your family, it is let having 3 more grandchildren. Love, The Martins
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